


i don't want to spend another christmas without you

by ashleygail



Category: IT (Movies - Muschietti)
Genre: Alternate Universe- No Pennywise, Christmas, Getting Together, M/M, Reunion, Secret Santa Fic, Snow, college students
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-20
Updated: 2019-12-20
Packaged: 2021-02-26 04:07:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,624
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21867244
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ashleygail/pseuds/ashleygail
Summary: Richie closed his eyes, brain dragging up all the things he didn’t want to remember. The things he’d pointedly kept from his mind over the last three years. Eddie Kaspbrak under the lights at prom, Eddie Kaspbrak’s lips on his in front of everybody at their graduation, Eddie Kaspbrak’s tears when he told Richie they couldn’t be together because distance would ruin their relationship and their friendship. “I don’t hate you, Eds.” Richie said softly. “I could never.”“I don’t know if that makes me feel better or worse.” Eddie chuckled. “Because I wanted to hate you. Somedays I did. Most of the time I just missed you.”[or: richie tozier turned his back on derry and most of his life after graduating high school and never looked back. what happens when after three years, richie must finally return home for the holidays?]
Relationships: Eddie Kaspbrak/Richie Tozier
Comments: 4
Kudos: 132
Collections: IT Fandom Secret Santa 2019





	i don't want to spend another christmas without you

Richie was not coming home for the holidays season. He never wanted to face Derry again, he lived in California now. He was happy there, that was where his life was, his apartment, his future. He simply could not face the life he had left behind three years earlier. Left vowing he would never return unless under the most desperate of situations. It had worked thus far, Richie always managing to come up with some sort of excuse when breaks from school had come around. Too much school work, doing summer trips abroad, having a his full time job and being unable to time off. He knew every time he told his mother he wasn’t going to make it that it broke her heart a little bit more. He almost dreaded the day she stopped asking him almost as much as he longed for it. 

There wasn’t much getting out of it this time, though, he knew. His sister had made it clear enough, with a short but firm text message, explaining all about how its her _first Christmas since getting engaged_ and how Richie _hadn’t even met Bryan yet_ and how he was _breaking their mother’s heart_ and Richie felt guilt deep in his bones as he promised Elle that he’d be there this year. 

So now he was getting off at the Bangor Airport and his palms were sweating, his heart had been racing in his chest faster and faster the closer he got to Maine. His knees were shaking as he walked through the airport, looking for his family. His stomach jumped as his gaze caught sight of somebody who was clearly here for him, though the last person he would have expected to see.

“Eddie Spaghetti.” Richie cried, breaking into a sprint on his still shaky knees. He had missed his friends as much as his family, with a deep ache that he spent the majority of his last few years buiring deep inside of him by keeping busy and not giving him a chance to think about them. He’d kept in light contact with them, but he knew that he’d been shutting them out. And he knew that they knew it, too. 

Richie launched himself at Eddie, jumping up into his arms and wrapping himself around him koala-style. Eddie let out a loud and annoyed noise, but Richie could hear the laughter underneath it. “Goddamn it, Richard.” Eddie grunted and wrapped his arms around Richie’s waist to help hold him up. “You’re fucking six teet tall, what the fuck. Get off me.”

Eddie’s arms squeezed tighter around Richie’s waist in contradiction of his own words and Richie smiled against his best friend’s head. He finally dropped down with his feet on the ground, and found that his knees were no longer weak. He beamed at Eddie, reaching out to pinch his cheeks. Eddie swatted his away, cheeks turning a light shade of pink. “What brings you to this lovely airport, Eddie my love? Thought my old man wanted to pick me up and lecture me whole way back to Derry about what a terrible son I’ve been.” 

Eddie shrugged one shoulder, smiling down at his feet for a moment. “You know how your parents get right before a party, all stressed and manic. I volunteered to come get you, and don’t worry. I can still give you a great lecture about what a piece of shit son you’ve been the last couple years. _And_ friend.”

Richie grumbled under his breath and stuck his hands into his jean back pockets. “Yeah, I feel like I’m going to be heading on the Richie Tozier apology tour.”

“It’s the least you can do.” Eddie said a little sharply, but his cheeks were still pink and his eyes were twinkling as he looked Richie up and down. “But don’t worry, you’ll have lots of time. Everybody is gonna be at the party tomorrow night, you can stand up and make a giant speech in front of the whole damn crowd if that’s still your style. Let’s go get your bags.”

“Oh, I didn’t bring any bags.” Richie said with a shrug.

Eddie’s mouth dropped open, and he blinked at Richie a few times before he furrowed his brow. “You’re here for two weeks? And you didn’t bring a single bag? Nothing? What are you supposed to wear?”

“I have clothes and shit back home!” Richie waved off Eddie’s concerns. “Nothing to worry about, Eds! Now show me to that Kaspbrak love wagon.”

Eddie rolled his eyes but allowed Eddie to wrap an arm around him and guided them outside into the chilly Maine air. Richie shivered brutally the moment he reached out into snow flurries, and let out a mildly horrified noise from the back of his throat. “Oh, fucking _Maine._ I’d forgotten. Please tell me you parked close, Eddie.”

Eddie chuckled, and tugged a woolly hat with a pom pom out of the pocket of his featherdown coat and reached over to stuff it onto Richie’s messy curls. “Awe, poor California boy can’t handle the cold? Forgetting your roots?”

“Listen, man.” Richie said through chattering teeth as Eddie linked arms with him and guided him quickly through the overly crowded parking lot. “I’ve barely even wore a sweater in the last three years. I was a l-l-l-egend in Cali, dude! I went sw-swimming in mid-winter while people st-st-arted at me like I was a lunatic!” 

“And now you’re shivering like a little bitch and stuttering like Bill Denbrough aged 12 in Maine.” Eddie chuckled, dropping Richie’s arm to move over and unlock the car doors. Richie tugged frantically at the passenger seat and dove into car. He buckled up quickly, knowing Eddie would demand it, and pulled his legs up to his chest. He wrapped his arms around them and pressed his face into his knees. 

Eddie dropped into the driver’s seat and seemed to take his damn time turning the car on. “Turn the heat on, turn the heat on.” Richie cried. “ _Please_ I’m going to die!” 

“You’re not going to die.” Eddie turned the car on, shaking his head. “You’re so fucking dramatic, Richard.” 

Richie shivered, holding his legs as close to his chest as he could manage without completely folding into himself. “Heat… please I beg you.”

“What if I told you the heater is broken?” Eddie asked, starting to pull out of the parking lot and getting caught up in a long line. Richie let out a distressed noise that almost sounded like a sob and Eddie’s heart tugged in his chest. “God, Rich, I’m just kidding. I wouldn’t let something in my car stay broken! Who the fuck do you think I am?”

Richie sighed as Eddie reached out and kicked the heater up. Richie sighed, and by the time they were finally pulling out of the cramming parking lot he’d let his legs down onto the floor of the car and was filling up with nerves once again. “So are we allowed to put on music or would that be too distracting from the lecture you’re going to give me?”

Eddie sighed, tapping at the steering wheel. “I’m not going to lecture you, Richie. I get it… mostly. I don’t really like coming home to Derry, either. It wasn’t a great place for _any_ of us.” Eddie glanced at Richie from the corner of his eye and shook his head. “But we didn’t all have a family that as good as yours, Rich. And we didn’t cut each other out, either. I don’t know what happened, Richie. It’s like you cross over the Derry town line and you straight up forgot that everybody here existed.”

Richie sighed and leaned his head against the car window, though the chill stung at his skin. “I didn’t. I thought about you guys everyday.” 

Eddie was quiet for a moment, fingers still tapping the steering wheel as they drove down the dark highway. Despite how busy the airport parking lot had been, the highway was nearly empty aside from them. “I spent a while wondering if maybe I’d done something wrong… after everything that happened senior year. If I’d made you hate me.” 

Richie closed his eyes, brain dragging up all the things he didn’t want to remember. The things he’d pointedly kept from his mind over the last three years. Eddie Kaspbrak under the lights at prom, Eddie Kaspbrak’s lips on his in front of everybody at their graduation, Eddie Kaspbrak’s tears when he told Richie they couldn’t be together because distance would ruin their relationship _and_ their friendship. “I don’t hate you, Eds.” Richie said softly. “I could never.”

“I don’t know if that makes me feel better or worse.” Eddie chuckled. “Because I wanted to hate you. Somedays I did. Most of the time I just missed you.”

Richie’s heart clenched in his chest and he clenched his fingers sharply against the meat of his thigh. “I’m sorry, Eds.” Richie squeezed his eyes shut, leg shaking underneath him. This isn’t his strong suit, talking to people like this. Being open in any sense of the word had always been Richie’s deepest struggle. It had likely been the reason he hadn’t bothered to fight for him and Eddie in the first place. 

“I wanna say it’s okay, but it’s not really.” Eddie shrugged one shoulder and kept his eyes on the road. It was starting to snow harder, getting harder to see through, and Richie wondered for a moment about how he’d forgotten that snow was beautiful when you weren’t freezing. His gaze slid from the front windshield and he looked at Eddie, knowing that he found him more beautiful than he would ever find snow. 

“I get that.” Richie said. “Honestly, I’m surprised you’re even bothering to see me. I definitely didn’t expect you to be coming to my parents party tomorrow.” 

“I’ve gone to your parents’ party every year, Richie.” Eddie said simply with a shrug of his shoulder and half a smile. “I helped you set up every year in high school and I wasn’t about to stop just because you were being a dick to everybody. It’s always been the best excuse to get away from my mother during the holidays, as much as it pissed her off.”

“I always thought you liked it so much _because_ it pissed her off.” Richie said with a small smile, pressing the back of his hand to his mouth to hide his smile. Eddie’s lips twitched up in hint of his own grin, though he made no move to confirm or deny it. “I always sort of thought that’s why you spend so much time with me, to be honest. Nobody ever got under her skin like I did.” Eddie’s gazed jerked to look at him, something deep and worrisome in his eyes. Richie’s heart started racing in his chest, and palms began to sweat. “You know, the only time she ever got along with me was when I was giving her the good dick. A very serious love-hate relationship.”

“God, you’re fucking disgusting!” Eddie cried, letting go of the wheel to smack Richie in the arm. “You actually haven’t grown out of Your Mom jokes? You’re twenty-one man!” 

Richie shook his head and let out a soft huff of a laugh. Silence settled in the vehicle and Richie wondered for a moment if he’d be able to open up the door and roll out. He cleared his throat and scratched at the back of his head. “So… your mom is still the worst then?”

Eddie rolled his eyes and let out a frustrated groan. “As if she’d ever be anything less than terrible.” He said. “You know what he’s like. Every time I come home she spends the entire time crying and whining and begging me to stay. That I shouldn’t go back to school, that I’m sick and she needs to take care of me. The usual bullshit.” 

Richie frowned at his hands, shaking his head. Not for the first time, Richie Tozier wondered at the strength of Eddie Kaspbrak. Richie had known many brave and amazing people in his life, but he didn’t think anybody would ever be on the level of Eddie. Eddie, who could walk directly into the face of abuse and hold his ground and still be the kindest person he’d ever had the honour of knowing. 

“Thank you for coming to pick me up.” Richie said quietly, pointedly staring out the front windshield even as he could feel Eddie watching him from the corner of his eye. “And thank you for not hating me.” 

“I could never hate you, Richie.” Eddie said. “Trust me. I tried. Unfortunately, I think caring about somebody for 16 year is hard to turn off.”

“Yeah.” Richie agreed. He grabbed his phone from the pocket of his jeans and began fiddling with the car radio. Eddie chuckled at him, and Richie finally managed to hook his phone up to the bluetooth. Smiling, he clicked onto his private _Spaghetti Songs_ playlist and hit shuffle. He hadn’t listened to this playlist in a ages, but he’d never had the heart to delete it. The smile that broke out on Eddie’s face as _Cut to the Feeling_ by Carly Rae Jepson started playing made Richie overly happy that he never got rid of it. 

They spent the rest of the ride in a comfortable relaxation, singing along to the gushy and lovely pop songs that weren’t usually Richie’s type of music but he couldn’t deny the little bubble of happy they gave him whenever he reminded hearing them for the first time and being reminded of Eddie. Nor the bubble of fondness he got in his chest when looked at Eddie and watched him sing along to every single one.

They pulled into Derry and Richie felt the panic begin to settle into his chest once again. His leg started bouncing and he felt that the air in the car got heavier. When they pulled into the Tozier’s driveway, Richie felt that maybe he’d been cemented to his seat. Eddie turned off the car and unbuckled, opening the car door before pausing. He slowed the door slowly and turned to Richie with a small frown. “Rich?”

“Yeah, I’m good.” Richie said, staring blankly ahead and now biting at his thumb nail. Eddie’s hand reached out and wrapped around Richie’s wrist, pulling it away from his mouth and holding it in his lap. Richie turned to look at him slowly, and thought maybe this was the first time Richie was _really looking_ Eddie since he’d picked him up. He’d grown his hair out since the summer after high school, curling around his ears and the base of his neck. His face was freckled even with the darkness that came with winter and his shoulders had definitely broadened. He wondered randomly for a moment if Eddie still ran. “I’m fine. I just… need a moment.”

Eddie pulled Richie’s arm into his lap and rested against the seat of the car. “Okay. But I’ve already turned the car off so it’s about to get really cold in here and you’re a little California baby now.” Richie reached over and flicked Eddie in the ear. Eddie swatted at him with the hand that didn’t have a tight grip about Richie’s wrist. “And I can see Alex’s face in the window, so she knows you’re here.”

Richie looked over and sure enough, he could see his little sister peering out from between the curtains. His stomach tensed with anxiety as his heart leapt with love. “Alright.” He said with a soft sigh. “Let’s fucking get this over with then.”

“That’s the spirit.” Eddie said with a laugh. He patted Richie on the shoulder twice then ducked out of the car. Richie took another moment to try and gather himself together before quickly figuring out that he wasn’t going to get any more prepared than he was right now. 

Richie kicked off his boots as he came in the house, and didn’t have a chance to take them off before somebody was latching themselves tightly around his midsection.”RICHIE!” Alex cried, pressing her face directly into his stomach. Alexandria Tozier had been a shock to Went and Maggie, barely four years old when Richie had moved out, and he adored her. 

“Hey kiddo.” Richie said, trying to cover up how his voice cracked and broke as he squeezed his baby sister. She stepped back and Richie got his first good look at her. Her hair was longer and waved down her back, and her huge grin was missing several teeth. “ _Look at you!_ You’re all grown up, you in high school yet?”

Alex broke into giggles, wrapping her arms back around Richie’s stomach. “ _Noooo_ Richie. I’m only in grade two.”

“Grade two!” Richie gasped overdramatically, bending slightly and grunting as he heaved Alex up into his arms. Alex looked at him seriously for a moment then cracked into a grin and Richie couldn’t help but smile back. He kicked off his boots and walked into the crowded living room, holding Alex to his chest like a shield. 

“Richie!” Maggie cried as he entered, coming forward to wrap her arms around her son. Richie leaned down and kissed his mother on the cheek, and Alex rested her head on Richie’s shoulder. Her eyes were already drooping and Richie couldn’t help but wonder if she was staying up past her bedtime to see him.

Eddie was chatting with Wentworth across the living room and Richie’s heart began to race in his chest. He tossed Alex down onto the couch touchdown style, leaving her laughing into the cushions as he walked over to them. 

“Hey Pops.” Richie said, scratching at the back of his neck. 

Went turned to him, expression stoney. “Edward has told me there’s no need for me to lecture you since he has that covered. I trust that is true.” 

“Yes sir.” Richie replied with a somber nod. 

Went broke into a smile and pulled Richie in for a hug. “It’s good to have you home, son. Hope to see you around here more often.”

Richie thought of how much Alex had grown, of sitting with Eddie in the car listening to music and felt his father’s warmth around. “Yeah, Dad. Absolutely.”

“Only issue,” Eddie broke into the father-son moment with a sing song voice. Richie turned and Eddie beamed at him. “I basically live in your room when I’m back in Derry, so you’re going to have to share your bed with me.”

Richie’s brain stalled at the thought of Eddie _living_ in his childhood bedroom for the last three years and he wasn’t quite sure if he felt uncomfortable with it or not, but his brain got caught up in the even scarier thought of _sharing a bed with Eddie._

As the evening went on, Richie tried with all his might not to think about the last time he and Eddie had laid together in that bed. It had been Eddie’s last night in Derry, the two of them curled under the blankets and watching shitty movies and drinking so much soda that Eddie had gotten a stomach ache. A good old fashioned middle school style sleepover. That is until Eddie had rolled over with tears in eyes, and apologized that they couldn’t be together the way they wanted, and kissed him. Everything else that happened between them that night hurt too much to think about, and Eddie had left the next morning without a single word about it. Richie had barely spoken to him since- until today.

Everything died down quickly, and Richie found that he was exhausted. After helping his mom put Alex to bed, though he suspected that the nighttime routine was a _little_ elaborated for his presence, Richie said goodnight to his family and Eddie and dragged his ass up to his childhood bedroom. 

Everything seemed smaller than Richie remembered, and the walls were littered with posters of bands that Richie hadn’t listened to in years. He smiled, though he wasn’t quite sure what was getting to him in the moment, and opened up the top drawer of his dresser. Most of the clothes he’d left behind had actually once belonged to one of the other Losers, and Richie ended up in a too-large T-shirt that was most likely Ben’s, and a pair of sweatpants that were just short enough in the leg to be Bill’s. He crawled into bed and sleep took faster than it had in ages.

He was woken a bit later by the door opening and closing. He rolled over onto his back and squinted, but he couldn’t see shit in the dark without his glasses.

“It’s just me.” Eddie said in soft whisper. “I didn’t mean to wake you. Go back to sleep.”

Richie rolled over, more than happy to do that. He’d started to doze when the bed dipped under the weight of Eddie climbing in beside him. Richie grunted and burrowed himself deeper into the blankets.

“Rich?” Eddie whispered. Richie groaned in response. “Are you sure you’re okay with sharing with me? This is your bed, and I don’t want you to be uncomfortable. I don’t live here, I can go back and stay with my Ma-”

“Eddie if you think I’m even gonna _let you_ to stay at your mom’s, you’re insane.” Richie said, his voice croaking with half-sleep. “If I was uncomfortable with you in my bed, I would’ve fucking told you. We’ve shared this bed a hundred million times or more. We’re only going to start having an issue if you don’t shut the fuck up and let me sleep.”

Eddie chuckled, and when he spoke his voice sounded a little awestruck. “Richie Tozier telling somebody to shut the fuck up? That must be a first.”

“There’s about to be a second.” Richie grumbled, grabbing a pillow out from where Eddie was leaning and whacking him in the face with it. Eddie laughed and Richie felt him finally lay down completely beside him. 

It was definitely the best sleep Richie had had in months, but he wasn’t about to go around announcing it. 

The next morning, Richie woke up alone in his bed and felt a momentary panic when he took in his whereabouts. It took a moment for everything to come sinking back in, and Richie groaned as he put the pieces back together. He flung the blankets up over his head and wondered if he’d be able to get away with wasting the day away in bed. He never came home for the holidays, maybe if he just stayed in his room, his family would just forget he was there.

The bedroom door came swinging open immediately after Richie’s thoughts trailed off, and he forced himself not to make any noise or sudden movements. 

“Asshole, get up.” His older sister, Alyssa, called into the room. “Mom and Dad need you and Eddie to go pick up some stuff for the party tonight.”

“Why do I have to do it?” Richie grumbled. “I was in a different _state_ yesterday! That kind of shit takes a lot out of a guy!”

Alyssa grabbed the blankets that were still hung over Richie’s head and tossed them away. She glared down at him, hands on her hips, and Richie couldn’t help but think she looked exactly like their mother. “Last ones in do the bitch work. And you have like, three years worth of bitch work to make up for. So let’s go, move your ass, Tozier.”

“Fuck you, Tozier.”

Richie rolled out bed quite literally, letting himself drop to the floor. He didn’t need to look up to know that Alyssa was rolling her eyes as she walked away out of his room. Richie rummaged back through the drawer o’ missing clothes, and came out with a large grey sweater- much too large to belong to Richie himself- and pulled back on the jeans from the day before. Tossing his outgrown hair up into a bun on top of his head, Richie half stumbled down the stairs and into the kitchen. 

Maggie barely looked up at him as she handed him a cup of steaming hot chocolate and Richie leaned in to kiss her on the forehead. He turned towards the table and found Eddie sitting there, eating a blueberry muffin and glaring at him. “Got an issue, Kaspbrak?” Richie challenged, sitting down across from him and grabbing his own muffin from the plate. 

“Are you wearing the same jeans from yesterday?” Eddie asked with a crinkle of his nose.

“Judging by the look on your face, you already know the answer to that, Eduardo.” 

Eddie fake gagged. “Richie, that’s so fucking disgusting, are you kidding? What? You’re just going to wear the same pants the entire time you’re here? You’re going to get an… an infection or something. God, Richie. When we go out today, you’re getting some clothes.” Richie opened his mouth but Eddie put his hand out. “And don’t even _try_ to complain to me, it’s your own damn fault for not bringing any stuff when you knew you were going to be here for a week.”

Richie rolled his eyes and didn’t bother trying to cover up his pout. He’d had to borrow a coat from his dad, and was forced to venture out into two feet of snow in his Converse sneakers and Eddie was talking a mile a minute at his side. 

“I’m not fucking buying a pair of boots, Eddie.” Richie rolled his eyes as he dropped into the passenger seat of Eddie’s car. “They’re like 60 bucks a pair, and I live in fucking California. I’m _not_ spending $60 on something I’m only going to use for a week. I’m a broke college student, just like you.”

“Please.” Eddie scoffed, pulling out of the driveway and starting slowly down the snowy road. “If you say so.” 

They drove in an almost eerily comfortable silence. No music, not taking, just them while Richie tried to ignore how immensely he was enjoying Eddie’s company. Richie curled up in the passenger seat, head pressed against the window and he sighed. He watched his breath fog up the glass and slowly traced a R + E into the fog with his finger. He immediately wiped it away with the palm of his hand and glanced over his shoulder, relaxing when it seemed that Eddie hadn’t noticed.

Eddie pulled into the parking lot of Shaw’s Supermarket and Richie stayed curled up in his seat until Eddie came around and yanked the door open. “Come on.” He said with a huff. “I’m not going to do the shopping by myself. Move it.”

Richie groaned, and made exeragrated stomps out of the car. He kept his arms crossed as they hurried through the parking lot and Eddie grabbed them a cart. As soon as Eddie had his bearings on the cart, Richie leapt over it and curled up inside, crossed legged and grinning up at Eddie. 

“The cart is for groceries, not your lazy ass.” Eddie grumbled, but he started pushing the cart into the store nonetheless. Richie spun around in the cart, grabbing things off the shelves when Eddie pointed them out and holding them on his lap. 

Eddie maintained that Richie was being lazy and merely looking for an excuse to get out of the shopping as much as possible, but Richie firmly believed that the trip went by faster without Eddie having to stop for every single item they needed to grab. 

“That would have been true either way, you’d just also be walking, dickhead.” Eddie argued after Richie had leapt out of the cart and was helping him unload everything onto the belt. “Maybe we could have taken turns pushing the cart even.”

“Awe, Eds, that’s the funniest joke you’ve ever made.” Richie said over his shoulder as he paid the cashier. Richie grabbed as many bags as he could carry and they dragged everything back to car. 

Richie turned on Christmas Carols on the drive back to his house, and after mild complaining- Eddie even sang along with him. 

As they arrived back at the Toziers, they realized how many extra cars were now parked outside. There was space for Eddie to pull into the driveway- no doubt at Maggie’s demand for the safety of her much needed groceries- and Richie found that anxiety from the night before quickly settling back into his gut. 

“Relax, Rich.” Eddie said in a calming voice. His hand dropped down on Richie’s thigh and squeezed. Richie’s breath picked up, Eddie successfully doing the opposite of calming him down. “ _Richie._ I can feel you freaking out. What is your problem?”

“I can’t go in there, Eddie.” Richie said, voice pitched and words rushed together. Richie suddenly felt fifteen again, deeply in love with his best friend and afraid to do anything. _A boy who likes boy is a dead boy,_ Richie thought to himself and remembered growing up in this horrific town around people he could only hope would accept him but he was never sure. He was _never_ sure, he isn’t sure. 

But Eddie with looking at him with wide eyes, concerned and open. Willing to listen to whatever Richie was struggling with and it made Richie so nervous he could throw up. 

Richie ran both hands over his face and sighed loudly. “I cut off everybody I loved, Eds. They’re all in that fucking house, I can’t go in there. I wouldn’t be able to stand it. I can’t go in there and lie to them, or dodge their fucking questions of why I never come home. I just _can’t.”_

“Why do you have to lie?” Eddie asked, frowning deeply. 

“Because I can't just go in there and be all ‘hey everybody! Sorry you haven’t seen me in three years but I went off to college and stopped repressing my homosexuality and now I’m a big giant gay! Surprise! I didn’t bring any present!’” 

Richie blurted out the sentence in a span of seconds, words all pressed together until they were barely coherent and Eddie blinked at him as his brain attempted to detangle the mess. His eyes widened as he finally did, and he turned off the car. He buckled himself and almost fell out of the door in his haste to get out. 

Tears stung at his eyes as Richie’s brain spiraled down the dark panic of Eddie turning his back on him. Luckily for Richie, Eddie had only been out of the car long enough to rush around to the passenger side and yank it open. 

“Come on, out. Let’s go.” Eddie forcibly unbuckled Richie and tugged him out of the car. Hand in hand, Eddie dragged him around the house and towards the backyard. 

“Uh, Eds?” Richie’s knees shook brutally as they walked. “What about the groceries?”

“It’s cold enough.” Eddie said sharply. “It’ll basically be like it being a fridge. Relax. This is more important.” 

Eddie sat down on the swing set and Richie sat down slowly on the other side. He suddenly remembered all the summer and fall days Richie and his friends would run around on this small swing set. He wondered if Alex and her friends even played on it, and he hoped desperately that they did. 

It had started snowing lightly, like flakes falling into their hair. Richie, despite the lingering anxiety, couldn’t help but smile at the way Eddie’s cheeks were starting to redden with the chill. Richie pushed his swing enough to sway, enough to just have something to do. 

“Richie-“ Eddie started then paused. He bit down on his bottom lip and furrowed his brow. “I don’t know how to say this politely, so I’m just going to spit it down. Richie. Your family knows you’re gay.”

Richie’s mouth dropped open. He closed his sharply, just to open it again. He shook his head, and closed his eyes. Swallowing deeply, when he opened them again, Eddie was still staring at him softly. “How do you know that?”

Eddie laughed. “Dude, do you know how much I’ve had to hear your mom talk about how she thought we were dating in high school? I’m not sure she believes me when I say that we weren’t.” 

“I’m not sure I believe you either.” Richie said quietly, so quietly that he was almost surprised that Eddie even heard him. But Eddie let a small noise, almost as though he was pained. 

Suddenly, Eddie’s hands were on Richie’s cheeks and pulling him in. Eddie’s lips were cold and Richie knew his were chapped and probably not very nice, but there was something so heartachingly familiar about kissing Eddie that Richie couldn’t help but sink into it completely. 

Eddie pulled back slowly, letting their foreheads stay pressed together. Richie fluttered his eyes open, looking at Eddie with hooded lids. “Why’d you do that?” Richie whispered. 

“I’m sorry.” Eddie said sounding mournful. “For… saying we shouldn’t be together and everything that happened before I left for New York. It wasn’t fucking fair to you, you deserved so much better.” Eddie shook his head, pushing Richie’s head as they moved together. “God. I loved you so much and I knew I was hurting you. I was always so sure that the reason you wouldn't come back to Derry because of me.”

Richie shrugged and brought his hands down to rest on Eddie’s hips. “There was a lot of versions. But…” Richie smiled bashfully. “I think I’m glad I came back this time.” 

Eddie smiled back and pressed a kiss to Richie’s forehead. 


End file.
